Running for mayor is a lot like existing as a woman on Facebook:
A mountain of unsolicited attention from people who would like you to fix everything immediately, frequently introduced with nothing more than:
“Hey.”
So, in the spirit of public service, I would like to remind the fellas of Facebook:
You do not have to be perfect.
You do not have to be 6'7".
You do not have to be running for mayor.
But, gentlemen, you have got to give them something to work with.
Have a hobby. Read things. Build something. Volunteer somewhere. Learn to cook one suspiciously impressive meal. Become deeply knowledgeable about Civil War artillery, freshwater aquariums, obscure municipal policy, or literally anything besides scrolling Facebook and sending “hey” to 37 women.
Women are not a monolith.
They are infuriatingly selective in entirely different ways, to be quite frank.
One likes musicians. One likes mechanics. One likes quiet men. One likes loud men. One likes beards. One hates beards. One is apparently interested in unusually tall IT consultants with complicated domain portfolios and aggressive opinions about local government.
You do not have to become the greatest guy in the world.
Become the greatest, kindest, funniest, most interesting version of the guy you are capable of being.
Then, before sliding into somebody’s DMs:
Read her profile.
Notice something specific.
Ask about something she actually cares about.
Lead with a weird hobby, a good story, or one mildly interesting fact about yourself.
For example:
“My name is Michael Shawn Foust, and I am running for Mayor of Tallahassee.”
Admittedly, that one is niche.
But it has performed surprisingly well.
Build a life worth asking about. Become a person worth knowing. Stop trying to appeal to every woman alive.
You only need the right one to think:
“Wait. What is this guy’s deal?”
And occasionally, gentlemen, she will approach you.
“Hey” is for horses. A conversation is for people.